What We Talk About When We Talk About Balance
January 29th, 2008 by Cali & Jody
Here’s some career advice about how to talk about work-life balance with a prospective employer. What caught our eye (aside from how generally discouraging and depressing it was) were the number of statements that struck us as completely wrong.
We’re not talking about wrong in the sense that the WSJ columnist who wrote the piece got her facts wrong, or reported it in bad faith, or that the sources she used were outrageously misguided. In fact, quite the opposite. The advice is sound. It just happens to pertain to a world governed by a set of assumptions that are completely insane.
And so, in the spirit of ROWE, we thought we’d translate some of the statements so you can see what’s really being talked about.
“‘Be careful about telling interviewers that you’re president of the local hockey association and that you coach four teams,” says [career counselor Robin Ryan]. “If you do, they probably aren’t going to hire you.’”
Translation: In addition to owning your ass for 40 hours a week, your job also has a right to dictate your life outside of work.
“Naturally, if you’re a C-level candidate or a physician, you can’t expect to have much work-life balance.”
Translation: Balance isn’t for losers. Strangely, balance isn’t for winners either. We’re not sure who it’s for, but it’s certainly not for everybody.
“[I]f you’re interviewing for less senior jobs at more mature companies, ask questions about the employer’s culture and the job responsibilities instead of bringing up the issue [of having balance] directly.”
Translation: In very rare cases (certain jobs at a certain level in certain companies at a certain place in their business life cycle) you might be able to achieve some balance, but the subject is still so taboo that you can only talk about it in code.
“A more subtle query might be whether the company allows computer log-in access from home. If they say no and that you have to be here for security reasons, you can make up your own mind,” says Mr. Anderson.
Translation: Under no circumstances are you to stand up for yourself, push back against antiquated and misguided work policies, fight for your time, or in any way ask someone to make an exception to the rule. When in doubt: cower.
“It’s best to [ask about work-life balance] once you’re sure that the company wants to hire you.”
Translation: Who are we kidding? Your prospective employer is doing you an enormous favor in paying you the least amount of money they can in exchange for the most amount of work they can get out of you . . . while also controlling your life. Better to not ask about work-life balance until you’ve already been at the company for two years. By then you may have earned the right to even bring it up.
Yay! Translating the real messages in what the media is pushing! Great job. Our collective susceptibility to the message of the moment is a subject worthy of much more attention. How does the media drive societal change? After all, it gave us the “you can have it all” bromide that caused innumerable nervous breakdowns and marital breakups. Now we have even more sanctimony in this article, which does a masterful job of giving lip service to balance while still promoting my mother’s admonishments that “you’re lucky to even HAVE a job.” It really does make you want to tear your hair out!
I broached the topic of a ROWE with my employer, but to no avail. In fact, the first attempt was well documented including history, examples, testimonials, and my own personal/professional validation of why I think it can work. The answer was no stating, primarily, that ROWE did not align with the district’s assessment tool. What makes that so absurd is that I have not received a formal review, assessment, or informal sit down about my performance sine I have been employed here (almost 4 years).
My third attempt was more geared towards the health benefits associated with a ROWE. This time the response was harsher. “…The flexible schedule concept was discussed twice at the cabinet level, and you know what the response was each time. Therefore, I don’t believe it will be addressed further unless the superintendent directs us to.” Yup, I am not even allowed to talk about it. I must have overstepped some bounds outlined in the Patriot Act.
This is fascinating and, I guess, not all that surprising. ROWE must be incredibly threatening to certain managers. Personally, I think people are going to need to get smart on ROWE, and then do an “end around” on senior management. Much like it happened at Best Buy. Cali and Jody have talked about how it was a covert campaign endorsed by just one courageous leader at first. You need a leader who gets it, but if you are getting stonewalled, I say move on to a receptive leader. Once you have some traction with a team, document the heck out of the results!
I recently interviewed with a company in a high-growth, technology industry. The opportunity was exactly what I was looking for: greater responsibility, opportunity to make a difference at a smaller company as well as the environment (the company manufactured solar panels), and financial rewards via bonus, pay, and stock options. But the company wanted the person filling the position to travel from the West Coast to the East Coast every week as part of the job responsibility. While I was willing to do some travel, I was clear that traveling every week was not in line with what I wanted.
Ultimately, I didn’t get the job, and the primary reason provided to my recruiting agency was that I wasn’t willing to travel as much as they wanted. If I hadn’t been clear about my preferences, I might have gotten the job, and might have made my family miserable in the process.
To me, it is ever more critical to be clear about what we want. Otherwise, we end up hating our jobs, getting burned out, and not getting what we want out of life and work. If the employer isn’t willing to engage in that conversation, then that’s not the company I want to work for.
Yeah, I read this WSJ article too and was a little surprised at the sniveling tone it advocated. Proof, I guess, that all that talk about work-life balance is just that, talk!
I liked Darin’s comment that we need to be clear about what we want, up front. It saves time and trauma.
Sometimes difficult, though, when one is feeling desperate. What do you suggest then, Cali and Jody?
Amen, sisters! I found that article insulting as well. Yes, if your goal is to get a new job that makes you miserable, by all means, beat around the bush about what you want. I do think it makes sense to wait to negotiate for what you want until after you’re hired, but pretending to be someone who you are not seems like bad advice - whether you’re looking for a new job or a new partner.
Hey Working Girl –
Here’s the deal: We are all adults, and as adults, we deserve freedom and control over our time. We shouldn’t hide that. We shouldn’t feel ashamed of it. We shouldn’t delay ourselves the gratification of experiencing it. We need to be up front – no, really up front – about what we want in a work environment. Dream with us for a moment: Imagine college graduates, and everyone looking for a job, being up front about what they want. No covering anything up, no sugar-coating – just the straight up truth. Then it wouldn’t seem so weird or outside the norm.
One must find something they’re willing to die for, then the choices and the costs become clear.
Sadly, many organizations tend to embrace fog.
In my third interview w/a company, I told the owner that I really wanted the job, but he had to know something…something HE was not allowed to ask me. I told him “I am trying to get pregnant again & I have all intention to take at least 8-10 weeks off. If you feel that this will not work for you, I can’t work for you.” His response: “I respect for being honest & we will figure it out. I can make it so that you can work from home, if you want to work part time when you are ready.”
He offered me the job the next day. Unfortunatly, 3 days into the job he flat out lied to a client, I called him on it & I quit the next day.
I am in a very ROWE job now & VERY happy.
-jen